Reviews on this site rate several aspects of the coffeehouse experience on a star system, from one to five stars (or, in rare cases of egregious faults in any particular area, zero stars).

Here’s a brief look at what I mean by each of the star ratings

★★★★★
Perfect; or as close to perfect as can be expected in any human endeavor.

★★★★
Excellent; superior to the average and better than anticipated.

★★★
Good; meets my expectations. This is the baseline rating.

★★
Fair; not terrible, but not as good as it could — nay, should — be, either.

★
Poor; seriously lacking and unacceptably inadequate.

(No stars)
Bad; seriously, how has this place managed to stay in business?